Father’s Day, a day about Father’s. Somehow it never really seems to be like Mother’s Day, Mother’s get roses or candy or something very beautiful but men, we get ties (perhaps to hang ourselves), calogne ( do we smell bad?), tools (as if we don’t do enough work already). My father was a hard man to live with and so in turn I guess I am too. For years he wouldn’t talk to me much or even say he loved me or hug me. I guess in those days and being from the generation he is, that isn’t manly behaviour. Now, every time we talk on the phone he tell’s me he loves me.
For many years I held a grudge for my father and pretty much felt hate for him, for all the things he did and didn’t do. Over the years I realized how foolish that was and found forgiveness for him. Funny thing, as soon as I forgave him, I began to forgive myself for my own short comings.
Dad never spoke much about the war to me, he fought in Korea. I remember once as a kid we were watching a show called The 20th Century, it was a historical show much like those on the History Channel these days, I must have been about 10 years old. That night there was a show about a certain offensive that took place in Korea about a platoon of men who had been trapped in the mountains of Korea in the winter. About half way through the show my father who had been very quite, suddenly said ” I was there”.
I remember looking at him expecting more, but he never said another word about it.
Not too long ago we were talking on the phone and somehow we had gotten on the subject of my sisters bickering over my Mother’s jewlery after she had died. He asked me about a ruby ring. He told me he had given it to my mom. Then he told me an astonishing story. He told me he had been wounded while in the war and during his recuperation they put him on laundry detail, while washing blankets he had shaken out a blanket and out fell this ring, a very nice ruby ring. Then he told me he shook the blanket once more and out fell a finger. In all the years I had spoken with him he had never told me this.
I guess what I’m geting at is, we as children and young people tend to judge our parents pretty harshly without even knowing our parents as people until years later. This can only happen if we give them a chance and as adults we open ourselves to them as people. I know of many father’s who’s children are not accesable to them because of astranged situations or just plain misunderstanding. I myself have been in that position, and found/find it to be very painful, perhaps it ws this experience that led me to forgive my father, I had learned what he must have felt.
I won’t say Happy Father’s day, what I will say is Father’s deserve something different than we have gotten over the years and perhaps it’s time we rethink this whole Holiday. I feel strongly about the fact that many Fathers have received unfair treatment and although I know many women have too, this day is about Father’s, so hug yours and if you can’t, call him up and let him do all the talking, you never know you just might find out who you really are.
